Welcome to The Hidden Hello
About the Tour
Let’s Begin
Whenever I step into a new eatery, my trusty gauge is the humble hamburger! I like to believe that you can’t really mess up this classic delight, and oh, how I adore a perfectly cooked burger! It’s like a delicious adventure waiting to happen!
Embarking on a quest fueled by the belief that there’s no such thing as a bad burger, I’m off to discover the ultimate patty in the charming Charleston area! And when my adventures whisk me away to other cities, you can bet I’ll be on a mission to rate the local burger joints, too! 🍔✨
Patty Points
The trickiest part of burger rating is nailing down the right criteria. It’s a breeze to spot a delicious burger from one that’s just... not. But how do you choose between two mouthwatering masterpieces?
At first, I thought about whipping up a straightforward five-point scale, like this:
5. This burger is so good I’d happily munch on it for life.
4. Holy smokes, this burger is phenomenal!
3. This burger is pretty solid.
2. I’m glad I tried it once, but I won’t be back for seconds.
1. Might as well be chowing down on a shoe!
But as I pondered, it felt a tad too limited for my adventurous burger journey. I worried I'd end up handing out a ton of four-star ratings or facing the dreaded ½ point scores. So, I decided to up the ante and dive into a daring 100-point scale for my burger evaluations!
Here is the break down of our Patty Points:
Appearance 5pts
While it isn't appropriate to judge a burger's flavor by its appearance, a burger's appearance does matter, so it's important to pay attention to it.
Bun 10 pts
If a fantastic burger is a masterpiece, then the bun is like the frame that ties it all together. It’s the cozy hug, the groove that gets you moving. Without a delectable bun, a burger is just a lonely Salisbury steak, left out in the cold!
Meat 30pts
Ah, the burger! The star of the show and arguably the most crucial component in this delicious ensemble. Here, we dive into the delightful world of flavor, texture, thickness, juiciness, and that oh-so-important done-ness. Typically, I like my burgers cozying up to a nice medium temp, but sometimes a passionate chef has their own grand vision for the creation and cooks it just the way they think it should sizzle. In other places, however, you might just get whatever happens to pop off the griddle! I’ll judge the burgers based on how I order them when I have the chance, but if I don’t, you’ll just have to take a leap of faith and trust my burger expertise!
Cheese 15pts
While this burger category seems simple enough, there’s a little twist in the tale! Lately, most burgers that have crossed my path come adorned with a delightful slice of cheese. So now, I’m left pondering—what’s the deal with a classic hamburger (or as we like to call it, a cheeseburger minus the cheese)? Will it snag a shiny 20 points right off the bat? Or do I haplessly drop it to a zero? Perhaps a happy medium of 10 points will do the trick? Ah, I guess I’ll contemplate this puzzling burger quandary only if I ever spot this rare specimen in its natural habitat
Veggies 15pts
This covers lettuce, onion, tomato, pickle, peppers, and anything else that might be used to dress up the burger in question.
Dressing 10pts
Ketchup, mustard, aioli, peanut butter, and that magical special sauce! I’m even daring to throw butter into the mix if it’s buttery enough to be considered a sauce. Let the flavor party begin!
Messiness 5pts
A truly delightful burger is a delightful mess, but not over-the-top chaotic! How tricky is it to get that delicious creation into your mouth? It’s a delicate dance, yet you can just feel when a burger has achieved that magical balance!
Burgerness 10pts
There's a sprinkle of magic that lifts a burger from good to utterly glorious! It's a feeling you can't quite put into words, but you'll definitely know it when you taste it. This is the delightful moment when the crème de la crème of burgers leaves the average ones in the dust, ready to enchant your taste buds!
Although the five-point scale feels a bit like a tiny box for this endeavor, I really do have a soft spot for the original classification descriptions I came up with. So, let’s sprinkle some magic and blend those five levels into a delightful 100-point scale!
95-100 This burger is so good I’d happily munch on it for life.
80-94 Holy smokes, this burger is phenomenal!
50-79 This burger is pretty solid.
20-49 I’m glad I tried it once, but I won’t be back for seconds.
0-19 Might as well be chowing down on a shoe!
The attempt here was to make a tier five burger something of a rarity and really stand out. Hopefully it works.
