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East Bay Deli
Date of Visit 10/13/2025
🌧️ East Bay Deli Review: The Tale of the Rainy Day Burger 🍔
It was one of those moody, rain-splattered afternoons when adventure felt like too much effort and comfort food was the only quest worth taking. My stomach whispered “burger…”, and before I knew it, a DoorDashed treasure from the local deli arrived at my doorstep — steaming, fragrant, and ready for judgment.
✨ Appearance — 3/5
What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a burger that knows exactly what it is. No disguises. No frills. Just meat, bun, and the quiet confidence of something your dad might grill in the backyard after watching one too many Food Network reruns. Everything was tucked neatly together, as if to say, “I tried my best.”
🍞 Bun — 5/10
A humble potato bun — sturdy, reliable, utterly unremarkable. It held the line. It didn’t crumble under pressure. But it also didn’t serenade me with flavor. The true middle child of burger buns.
🥩 Meat — 20/30
Two 4-ounce smash patties, cooked to the realm of “extra done.” Sadly, the dryness could’ve rivaled the Sahara, and the lack of char left my taste buds feeling betrayed. If you’re going to go dry, at least give me some crispy edge magic! Alas, no such spark today.
🧀 Cheese — 5/15
No cheese. None. Nada. Zip.
We award the standard mercy points — but this burger definitely missed its melty soulmate.
🥬 Veggies — 11/15
Here’s where things perked up a bit! A bold duo of thick red onion rings, a perfectly balanced tomato slice (not too thick, not too thin), and a single emerald lettuce leaf that draped itself gracefully over the patty. Fresh, crunchy, and maybe the hero of the meal.
💧 Dressing — 1/10
None. Nothing. Dry as a British comedy. I gave it a 1 simply because I didn’t add anything myself, but this burger could’ve used a saucy sidekick.
😐 Messiness — 1/5
Dry burger = zero mess. The tomato did its best to offer a hint of juice, but honestly, I could’ve eaten this thing while wearing white gloves and emerged spotless.
🍔 Burgerness — 2/10
There was no spark, no magic, no “wow.” Just a meal that filled the void but didn’t light any fires. A dutiful burger that clocked in, did its job, and went home early.
🏁 Wrap-Up: The Final Bite
I’m glad I tried it — sometimes you have to kiss a few burgers before finding your flavor soulmate. This wasn’t a total disaster, but it definitely earned a spot on the “never again” list.
Final Score: 48 Patty Points
A valiant effort on a rainy day, but next time… I’ll be chasing juicier dreams. 🍔🌧️
